The Proper Way To Leave A Church

People leave churches.  That’s nothing new.  If you’ve been in leadership at a church for any length of time, you’ve seen people leave.  People leave for a variety of different reasons: Doctrinal disagreements, worship style, programs (or lack thereof), jealousy (they or their children are not the center of attention), etc.  Yet, while people leave church, I can’t help but wonder: How many have left properly?  When people leave a church, I’ve observed that there are at least 4 types of people:

1. The Silent Dropout.  This person just quits attending.  Normally, it doesn’t happen overnight.  They begin by missing 1-2 Sundays per month; then 3; and then they’re gone.  They don’t cause a blowup on their way out; they silently slip through the back door.
2. The Avoider.  Like the Silent Dropout, this person also leaves.  Most of the time, there is much more going on with this person.  They have a reason for leaving; they just haven’t told the leaders what it is.  Most of the time, they are upset about something.  When leaders at church attempt to reach out to them (call, text, email, etc.), they get no response.  When this person sees church leaders out, they attempt to avoid them.  If they do talk, it is small talk that ends before the church leader has the chance to ask them about where they’ve been.  Deep down, this person knows they probably don’t have a biblical reason for leaving, and they don’t want to be confronted with this.
3. The Ring Leader. The circumstances surrounding this person’s leaving is seldom good.  Most of the time there is a blowup or major disagreement.  During the process of their leaving, they burn the phone lines up, calling people to see how many members agree with them.  In fact, I’ve known people who have called more members in one week (when they’ve decided to leave) than they had the entire time they were a member!  (There’s something horribly wrong about that.)  This person is not content to leave and find another church that they agree with; they want to destroy the church they are leaving.  Sure, they will talk about their love for their former church, but behind the scenes they are trying their best to destroy it.
4. The Model Example.  These people disagree with the leadership or the direction of the church.  It is normally doctrinal; it could be something else.  They, out of love and respect for church leadership, tell the leaders (most often the pastor) that they are leaving.  They tell them the reason they are leaving.  And they leave.  Unlike the Ring Leader, they are not interested in being a new Moses.  Unlike the Avoider, they are not afraid of explaining to the pastor why they are leaving.  And unlike the Silent Dropout, they don’t make the pastor run them down to find out what’s going on.  They take the initiative. 

As a pastor, I’ve seen and dealt with each person listed.  When anyone leaves your church, it hurts.  What hurts more than anything is when people follow the example of the Avoider (2) or the Ring Leader (3).  It still hurts when someone follows the Model Example (4), but it is different.  They have shown true love, Christian maturity and accountability by explaining their decision to leave. 

If you are member of a church, please resolve now that, if ever you leave your church you will do it right.  You will follow the example of 4.  You should follow this example because you’re responsible to your church, to your brothers and sisters, to your leaders (who, in turn, are responsible for you), and to your Lord.